New York City Bartenders & Patrons

Hey Guys!
So I am trolling craigslist looking for work and I found this post. It is very funny and well-written and it shows how competitive finding hospitality work in Manhattan is! Bartender with 8 arms? I only have 2!! Scramble eggs with my raw sex appeal? I shower, strap em' in the push up & apply war paint... but I have never been able to scramble an egg without a fork.
Can I make it in this town?

"You know those joints where the music is bumping, the bartenders are hot sexy bitches who throw down like they have 8 arms, the waiters stick and move through the teeming crowd not missing a damn thing and hundreds of covers come out of a kitchen the size of your closet? The kind of place that's whipping at 200 miles an hour but it's all under control...? That's us. We're looking for peeps who can street fight and TCB (that's Take Care of Business - Elvis) ....while keeping fully intact the PMA (that's Positive Mental Attitude - Moms). This is our laundry list of good things we're asking the universe to send to us: Right now we want telepathic

FOODRUNNERS for our chefs to fall in love with. Can you be everywhere at once, expedite and keep the train on the tracks? We want to talk to you. Pay is 10 bucks an hour plus tips.
Chef would also like to welcome to the family a couple of LINE COOKS. A word about our boys in the kitchen: EPIC. Pedigreed with papers (Bouley, Lespinasse, Montrachet, The Modern) but all they want to do is bar food to blow people's minds. They have done it. Bomb menu. Werd.

Next we need the spark plugs. We mean the most critical element in the floor's engine: BUSSERS. Any of you waiters out there reading this know we don't get into the high gears without our peeps backing us up and watching our backs while we're doing battle. Do you know a busser suffering in some godforsaken place, totally unappreciated, leaving every night with a fraction of what he's worth? Send him over. Send HER over. IN FACT We're running a C-List special.
Any WAITERS or WAITRESSES out there looking for a new place to call home - we mean the ones everyone loves to see coming in to work, the ones who can rumble with a fast turning, definitely possibly too big station (but we're gonna throw so much support at you so you can reap the bennie$) all with the grace of a ballerina and instincts of a ninja.... bring us one of the World's Best Bussers and you go right to the top of the pile. You'll be a package deal. OR, you send us a busser we'll love and cherish and we'll buff you and your friends out for dinner and drinks. Yes peeps, you read that correctly.

THIS IS WHAT TO DO. [note: resumes are not important. If you have one done already, great. If not, all we need to know is where you've worked and your contact info. We like pictures. We like them because it keeps us organized with who's who and it's fun to see your faces. If you don't have one, that's okay. Looks don't mean anything if you can't hang. Last, we could give a rat's fat ass if you have NYC experience. Can you fight like a champ and rock a station? Be from the moon, it doesn't matter.]
RUNNERS: Send a list of the places you've worked. List all languages you speak or can fake effectively. Tell us the best place you worked and why it was so great.
COOKS: Give us your tours of duty and why you'd want to do soigne bar food instead of cheffing it up at a food palace. What cookbook are you reading now? What's the first thing that pops into your mind when we ask what's your best cooking memory? Tell us something about your favorite chef or your best job, what made them so great. And anything else you might want to add about yourself. Don't be a robot. Nobody wants a robot in the foxhole with them, and our guys are the coolest dudes. Make them laugh or nod their head when they read your email. BUSSERS: We want to talk to waiters you've worked with. So if you're interested, send us your phone number and a list of places you've worked. We'll have you come by and ask you to bring a couple of waiters' phone numbers or email addresses.
WAITING PEOPLE: What are the most important phrases in a restaurant? Why do cooks hate waiters who don't know the menu? What's so important about being ready for service? Is it really that bad to auction at a table? Seriously? Tell us about the fine dining points of service that are (rightfully) a part of your arsenal no matter what kind of place you work. And anything else you want to add about anything. You, restaurants, food, cocktails, global warming, whatever. Let us get a glimpse of who you are.
Lastly - we can't even believe we're opening the floodgates on this - but we have ONE highly coveted BARTENDER spot. For this gig, you have to be the second coming of Jack Black or else scorch people's eyeballs with your beauty and scramble their eggs with your raw sex appeal. NON-NEGOTIABLE is the ability to bartend. And aaaaallllll that implies. So tell us, what does that imply? Where do you drink, who do you respect, what are you excited about right now and can you spread the cocktail gospel in a way that is unpretentious and enthusiastically inclusive?

Each of you please put the POSITION you want in the SUBJECT LINE. We want you to start immediately if not sooner, so please be ready to jump. Interviews and hiring happen this week. We sincerely thank you for responding and apologize in advance if we don't reply personally to your email. We know job hunting is a bitch and we wish you all the luck in the world.

Compensation: C.R.E.A.M. dolla dolla bill y'all"