New York City Bartenders & Patrons

I would love to take credit for this post but I can't. One of my best friends Erin wrote this, and I think its phenomenal.

Go see her at Gatsbys, 53 Spring Street on Fridays and Saturdays. But make sure you read this first.

To My Dearest Bar Patrons;

I am a twenty-three year old female bartender in New York City. I have worked in the service industry for about five years now working in various positions including cashiering, waitressing, cocktailing, and bartending. Especially having spent most of my time working in this industry in downtown Manhattan, I have dealt with an extremely wide array of people. At this point nothing is truly that shocking from being a witness on the other side of the bar. I feel my experience along with quite a bit of innate know-how can help some of you who, perhaps, do not know anything about what you are doing when you enter a bar. And mostly I am trying to reach out to those of you who THINK you know what you are doing when you enter a bar. Also, please note that I am speaking with a background mainly in Irish pubs, trendy lounges, and college bars, all of which are extremely high volume.

As an employee, I am promoted to say whatever it is I feel, and to bang the drinks out as quickly and cleanly as possible. I am not, in anyway, trying to speak on behalf of fine dining establishments. I personally have no experience working in that type of environment, and would not even attempt to give insight to that clientele, although I am fairly certain that many if not all of the following points will pertain to most all restaurants and bars of any kind from seedy dive bars to pretentious night clubs.
Let’s start off with ordering and paying for drinks, something that should be the first thing you do when you walk into a bar. Do not give me one drink order and then tell me to “hang on” while you find your friends to get their orders. I will not wait on your girlfriend sitting there staring at all of the pretty bottles, like she has never ordered a drink in her life, and really is just fascinated with how the candle light dances off of the Grey Goose bottle. I can also see plainly that your girlfriend’s friend are too busy hugging and screaming and telling each other how cute they look to notice that you are even at the bar ordering, so I will get you your drink and charge you for that one, and I am going to move on to one of the twenty other people at the bar waiting with their money out and a memorized order in their head.

Speaking of money, I do not understand why so many of you act surprised when I give you a dollar amount to which you owe me for the drink I just handed you. You know these are not free, so you should probably have a credit card or cash ready in your hand to give me. Guys, I do realize those pockets are deep and full of the condoms you hope to use tonight, and girls, I know that tiny clutch looks so good with those shoes, but you do not want to make the bartender wait and lose potential business because you cannot seem to remember where all of your money went.

As far as credit cards are concerned, yes we do have a minimum for charging. Why you ask? Because it is utterly ridiculous to think you can charge one drink on a credit card. The amount of time it takes me to charge the card and get a pen and print out the receipts I could have served at least three other people. It slows things down tremendously. I am all for opening a tab and racking it up with plenty of drinks, but if you cannot make the minimum I will not take that time. And why the anger over the price of a $6 beer, in Soho, in Manhattan? “I can get a whole six-pack of PBR’s for $3 upstate!” a customer yells to me, as if I was born and raised in this very bar without any idea of what goes on in the outside world. Yes, I am aware that certain extra curricular activities are cheaper than others. So why don’t you just buy that six pack and drink it in your tiny, dank apartment in New Jersey alone.

This same customer is also probably the intoxicated one at the end of the night arguing with me about the total of his/her tab. I gain absolutely nothing from my sales, only the owners profit from that money, so why would I add extra drinks you “didn’t have” on to your tab? Successful bar owners are usually loaded enough as it is, I would not cheat you out of your hard earned money so that they can profit more and we can end up in a heated argument at the end of the night. It doesn’t make sense for me to lie about what you had. If I could I would give everything in the bar away for free as long as you tipped well.

And here we have arrived at the so very complex concept of tipping. These are some basic rules when it comes to tipping properly, and please remember the only money that we make at work is from tips. My paycheck is literally “VOID” every week because at $3.70 an hour once taxes are taken out, there is actually zero left.

1. Tip 20% every time.
2. Tip on water orders.
3. Tip on free drinks.
4. Tip at least $1 per free drink. Like I have stated before I make nothing off of sales, so whether it costs $15 a drink or nothing at all, I still need a tip. It will help you to get your next one with lightning speed and a friendly smile.

Another thing that I do not understand is guys flirting with me all night long, asking me out, scrawling their number on a napkin, and then NOT tipping me 20%. First off, I am not going to date anyone I meet as a customer at my bar, ever. I am especially not going to date someone so wasted that he sat there my entire nine hour shift staring at my chest, and mostly I am not going to even consider dating Prince Charming if he doesn’t even tip well! Also, for you guys, do not touch me, ever. What makes you think you can reach over the bar and touch my arm or hand? When I have to go to your office and ask to open a new bank account, and you get a phone call that interrupts the process, do I grab or caress your arm so that your attention comes back to me? No, so I ask for the same respect back.

Please, do not yell my name, especially if I never told it to you to begin with. I cringe when I hear my name being called from the other end of the bar by a drunken customer; there is something extremely odd about a complete stranger yelling out your name. I won’t get you your drink any quicker because I will be so irritated that I will ignore your slurred calls. When I finally do decide to serve you, never ask for a buy-back. If I feel like giving you something for free, I will, but the minute you ask for it, I automatically do not want to give it to you. If you ask for a free drink, you won’t get it - that is a pretty standard rule amongst all of the bartenders I know.

Something nice that you can do to help you get quicker service is offer to buy me a shot. I will have one with you and I will probably charge you for it. But you will most likely end up getting quite a few shots back from me for free, so that in the end you will have spent less money and gotten more drunk, and I will be in a better mood overall. Everybody wins!

So when the bar is closing, and you still haven’t met that special someone and feel like you really do need to drink more, go ahead and order all of the drinks you want at 3:59 AM, just know that regardless of how much you finish drinking you are going to be leaving by 4:10 AM no matter what. And you will be leaving all of your unfinished Long Island Iced Tea’s behind. I’m sorry, but there are certain things that you can’t take with you in the after life of the bar, and our precious time together has ended.

About an hour after closing I feel like I have gone through a battle. The customers are finally all out, and my voice is hoarse from yelling. I have cleaned the bottles and collected lost articles of clothing. I unclogged the drain filled with chewed up lemons, limes, straws, and broken glass. I sat in a cramped and dank office counting and facing thousands of one-dollar bills. My body is covered in mysterious liquors and beer that have blended together and formed a crusty mold in spots on my forearms and clothes. Nothing quite defines the word relief until the money is counted, dropped in the safe, and divided, and my personal stink is blending into the cab driver’s and I am on my way home.

I do like to go out and drink myself, but I am just trying to help all of you out there who have never set foot on the other side of the service industry. We, as waiters and bartenders can see you coming from a mile away, and if you are lucky enough to be hanging out in a high volume bar packed with people, then we do not need to waste our time with someone who does not tip or act appropriately. We retaliate by making you wait 45 minutes for your next drink and putting a lot less alcohol in it than normal. Remember, we control how quickly and how very drunk you get. And at the end of the day, I am just trying to pay rent. Just follow these simple rules, and you will experience the pleasure of quick service, a smiling bartender, and free shots.

Sincerely,

Your friendly neighborhood bartender