New York City Bartenders & Patrons

This is the first NYCBP book chat via IM. Alexis recommended to me a book, and I read it. So now we are going to do a joint review, via IM. The book is The Average American Male by Chad Kultgen. It’s about a late twenties guy in Los Angeles, and how he lives his life of sex, video games, and relationships…

Lex (11:16:02 AM): u start
Kevin (11:16:09 AM): so what made you pick up this book?
Lex (11:17:17 AM): i was just browsing in urban outfitters for gifts and flipped through. i stayed in the store for a half hour reading... i could NOT put it down
Kevin (11:17:40 AM): What do you think it was that drew you to it? The content or the way he writes?
Kevin (11:18:14 AM): I was initially attracted to the writing style, but then it was the narrative that kept me going
Lex (11:18:27 AM): the content.... i left like i had secretly made my way into the male mind, and i wanted to know everything.
Kevin (11:18:35 AM): And your strong recommendation.
Lex (11:18:41 AM): so you have to answer the biggest question
Kevin (11:18:48 AM): what?
Lex (11:18:53 AM): how accurate is it? do you men really think like that?
Kevin (11:19:07 AM): i would say some of it, not all of it
Kevin (11:19:29 AM): I have to put myself back when I was 27, which was a hell of a long time ago
Kevin (11:19:57 AM): And even now, i can't think any guy can be so sex obsessed 24/7
Kevin (11:20:33 AM): It would be a pretty shallow lifestyle to have 2 things in your life, jacking off and video games
Kevin (11:21:12 AM): Maybe at 15, but not at 27, 37, or 41 years old
Kevin (11:21:27 AM): why am I doing all the talking here?
Kevin (11:21:37 AM): turn off Regis and Kelly
Lex (11:22:20 AM): i'm sorry, i write something and then u say something else so i erase it and write something else
Kevin (11:22:29 AM): LOL
Lex (11:22:36 AM): what i was typing now was
Kevin (11:23:02 AM): what did you like about it?
Lex (11:24:12 AM): so you think it is how you men think, just exaggerated
Lex (11:24:24 AM): what about the 98% rule?
Kevin (11:24:35 AM): Lot of exaggeration, or literary license
Kevin (11:24:39 AM): No way
Lex (11:24:49 AM): what do you think the real percentage is?
Kevin (11:25:03 AM): That is to say, 98 out of 100 women any man would fuck?
Kevin (11:25:10 AM): 50, if that
Kevin (11:25:22 AM): You ride the same subway system I do?
Lex (11:25:45 AM): well she would disappear right afterwards... that has to lower ur standards a bit
Kevin (11:25:54 AM): That was another one of his maxims, about how far he could push things
Kevin (11:26:33 AM): I know, but still, the imaginary and the reality.... I don't think I could do it. I think it would be a combo of the sight and the smell...
Kevin (11:26:47 AM): What about his obsession with anal sex?
Lex (11:27:01 AM): aren’t most men?
Kevin (11:27:06 AM): He talked about it a lot more than any other writer probably has
Kevin (11:27:22 AM): To the point of wanting it every day?
Lex (11:27:31 AM): did he want it everyday?
Kevin (11:27:33 AM): Doubtful
Kevin (11:27:43 AM): he wanted to get off every day
Kevin (11:28:03 AM): any sloppy way possible
Lex (11:28:11 AM): oh yes. multiple times. it would be exhausting dating him. i would be in the hospital
Kevin (11:28:23 AM): What did you think of the sex scenes? Accurate?
Lex (11:29:10 AM): eh....i guess so. most seemed more like fantasies than sex scenes.... like the random girl in the laundry room of that party
Lex (11:29:13 AM): yeah righttttt
Kevin (11:29:28 AM): Not really scenes. More like fantasies
Lex (11:30:03 AM): the whole book was like a letter out of penthouse forum. i was often embarrassed reading on the train.
Kevin (11:30:25 AM): lol
Lex (11:30:28 AM): i was worried everyone knew i was the nasty girl reading almost-porn
Kevin (11:30:34 AM): i read it 90 percent on the subway
Kevin (11:30:46 AM): i know people were looking at me
Kevin (11:30:58 AM): and there on the page was ass fucking and blowjobs
Kevin (11:31:09 AM): i just kept my head down
Lex (11:31:18 AM): yeah, i think i was beet red most of the time i was reading it. even alone
Lex (11:31:31 AM): what do you think the funniest part was?
Kevin (11:31:37 AM): well, some guy could have read over your shoulder, and then hit on you
Kevin (11:31:59 AM): funniest was the whole girfriend-mom scene
Lex (11:31:59 AM): no, he would know I know all his secret thoughts
Lex (11:32:04 AM): that was good
Lex (11:32:15 AM): i thought the funniest was the blousant in the food
Kevin (11:32:29 AM): yeah, like your fellow riders would think "this girl must love dirty sex" to read that
Kevin (11:32:41 AM): never heard of that stuff, is it real?
Lex (11:32:48 AM): yes i've seen the ad in magazines
Kevin (11:32:51 AM): ok, talk about the characters. since our readers have not read the book yet. What about Casey, the GF of the narrator?
Lex (11:33:08 AM): poor girl
Kevin (11:33:24 AM): I thought she was a pathetic bitch, set up to show the narrator what is the wrong kind to date
Kevin (11:33:37 AM): I felt sorry for her
Lex (11:33:38 AM): all she wanted was a normal relationship, and she got a whack job.
Kevin (11:33:45 AM): I KNOW
Kevin (11:33:56 AM): The narrator was a total bad boyfriend
Lex (11:34:04 AM): he didn’t even like her
Kevin (11:34:18 AM): the only thing nice he ever did for his women was give them ride to the airport and pay for dinner
Kevin (11:34:36 AM): why was he such a catch?
Lex (11:34:46 AM): he was NOT a catch
Lex (11:34:49 AM): he was an asshole
Kevin (11:34:53 AM): so what else about Casey, she was a major character
Lex (11:34:59 AM): just really good at hiding it
Kevin (11:35:13 AM): what kind of girl is she? wants marriage, on her terms
Lex (11:35:14 AM): Casey embodied what all men THINK women are like.
Kevin (11:35:34 AM): will fuck? but wants a commitment in the end?
Lex (11:35:48 AM): just after getting married, manipulative, boring, uninteresting.
Kevin (11:35:54 AM): he made her seem pretty dumb
Lex (11:35:57 AM): whiny
Lex (11:36:02 AM): yes, dumb too.
Kevin (11:36:05 AM): shopaholic
Kevin (11:36:12 AM): says "like" all the time
Lex (11:36:23 AM): she was all the things men hate about women, rolled up in one horrible person.
Lex (11:36:32 AM): lol! yes!
Kevin (11:36:34 AM): her parents were not good either. so the 3 of them were stock characters
Lex (11:36:52 AM): made him look better by comparison
Kevin (11:37:00 AM): he was the superstar smart guy, spending time with the midwestern idiots
Lex (11:37:14 AM): did you notice that he never said what his job was?
Lex (11:37:18 AM): how weird was that?
Kevin (11:37:26 AM): i was going to mention that later
Kevin (11:37:40 AM): i really thought of him as a person in Office Space
Kevin (11:37:54 AM): Like he had a job like Ron Livingston
Kevin (11:38:12 AM): or maybe he worked in a job like in Entourage?
Lex (11:38:18 AM): i was picturing him as a customer at a bar! telling me things i don’t wanna hear, but thinking its ok cause i'm a bartender
Kevin (11:38:26 AM): but not as glamorous?
Kevin (11:38:32 AM): LOL, you are right
Kevin (11:38:45 AM): what about his other GF? Alyna?
Kevin (11:38:58 AM): He stalked her
Lex (11:39:10 AM): maybe... i haven’t thought about it before. i bet it was very autobiographical... so the character had a crap writing job. copyediting a women’s magazine or something
Kevin (11:39:24 AM): right
Lex (11:39:50 AM): was she worth it? just cause she liked to fuck a lot?
Kevin (11:40:09 AM): I was rolling my eyes over how he built up Alyna. Not only hot, likes any kind of sex (multiple times) but the kicker was: she was excellent at video games and loved to play with him
Kevin (11:40:29 AM): so here was his fantasy come to life, after he stalked her
Lex (11:40:33 AM): oh yes, and didn’t get jealous.... didn’t want to get married
Lex (11:40:43 AM): she was the anti-Casey
Kevin (11:40:49 AM): he fucks the shit out of her, and then he complains about it!!!
Lex (11:41:02 AM): he complained?
Kevin (11:41:32 AM): the whole end of the book, when he gets into his old habits of whacking off in secret
Lex (11:41:50 AM): oh yes... i was thinking about that but didn’t know if we were talking about the end
Kevin (11:42:10 AM): sorry to anyone who we just gave away the ending to
Kevin (11:42:28 AM): i liked the book, but I am not sure why
Lex (11:42:30 AM): is that some kind of insult to womankind? she turned out to want to get married and stopped the crazy sex... we are all just Casey’s waiting to come out
Kevin (11:42:50 AM): i agree with your assessment.
Kevin (11:43:16 AM): she slowed down the crazy sex after she landed him, and then she wanted a commitment
Kevin (11:43:35 AM): Casey was very good to him for a long time
Lex (11:43:56 AM): the whole book was definitely an insult to all women
Lex (11:44:11 AM): even the one he idolized, turned out to be just like all the others
Kevin (11:44:28 AM): there was no positive or well-defined female character in it
Lex (11:44:38 AM): and he counted the amount of times they had sex, oral, anal... in the next year! talk about obsessed!!!!
Kevin (11:44:48 AM): and how did you like every woman referred to as "bitch"??
Lex (11:45:08 AM): no. maybe his mother was a prostitute, and he is just fucked in the head
Kevin (11:45:15 AM): that is a real scorekeeper, but remember, he plays video games, so this was like another game
Lex (11:45:32 AM): hey-timeout one minute, i have to leave the room
Lex (11:45:33 AM): vrv
Lex (11:45:35 AM): brb
Kevin (11:46:07 AM): it was a fantasy: fuck a hot girl all night, then she plays you video games for 4 hours, then you fuck some more. And this was not enough for him.
Lex (11:49:04 AM): yes! good point. i don’t think he would ever be pleased
Lex (11:49:34 AM): you know what else i thought was interesting? how he kinda gives the readers an insight into the gay mans mind too
Kevin (11:49:36 AM): maybe with twins. he always wanted a 3 way
Kevin (11:49:55 AM): i think he was a homo phobe
Kevin (11:50:14 AM): he had a gay friend just to deflect criticism of being a homophobe
Lex (11:50:22 AM): no i don’t think so, i think he was really interested in his friends sex life cause he is so obsessed with sex
Kevin (11:50:38 AM): and by allowing a gay character to say all those stereotypical things, he gets off easy
Kevin (11:51:02 AM): well... more ways to talk about ass fucking.
Lex (11:51:09 AM): lol!
Lex (11:51:19 AM): gotta sneak it in wherever you can!
Kevin (11:51:25 AM): LOL
Lex (11:51:53 AM): i really liked reading the book, but the more we talk about it, the less i like it!
Kevin (11:51:58 AM): I have to say that I don't know of too many guys who would be like the narrator
Lex (11:52:18 AM): what!!!
Kevin (11:52:26 AM): it was like a guy got caught with his porn, and had to explain it
Lex (11:52:27 AM): i think men would love him!!
Lex (11:52:39 AM): he's like a super hero!
Kevin (11:52:42 AM): i started to hate him
Kevin (11:53:05 AM): come on, he even had a GF who's ass smelled good, and he got sick of that too
Lex (11:53:10 AM): he gets all the girls, curses at the mom... has the wild sex. he seemed like every mans idol
Kevin (11:53:29 AM): I was imagining a different outcome
Lex (11:53:34 AM): yeah what was that about
Lex (11:53:40 AM): idiot!
Kevin (11:53:47 AM): he was obsessive
Lex (11:53:55 AM): did you think he was going to get his heartbroken?
Kevin (11:54:17 AM): I wanted him to get a disease! (just kidding)
Lex (11:54:29 AM): i was hoping he was going to start wanting to marry Alyna and she got scared and bailed
Kevin (11:54:37 AM): one plot point, not to give it away
Kevin (11:54:51 AM): The Groundlings. I told Carmit about this. You know who they are?
Kevin (11:54:58 AM): Improv
Lex (11:55:04 AM): the acting group? no i never heard of them
Lex (11:55:15 AM): she lost the book, btw
Kevin (11:55:19 AM): So Casey is an actor in an improv group
Lex (11:55:39 AM): (but doesn’t seem funny at all)
Kevin (11:55:41 AM): that's how Casey was so good at pulling off that stunt
Kevin (11:56:13 AM): improv is not always about funny, it is about rolling with the punches, no matter how the scene changes
Kevin (11:56:23 AM): she looked at her stunt as an acting challenge
Kevin (11:56:46 AM): She lost that book? Oh brother.
Lex (11:56:48 AM): i think that’s a stretch... but ok
Lex (11:57:13 AM): didn’t you know she was lying the entire time?
Kevin (11:57:27 AM): i think that's why he set that up. I also think he tried the Groundlings class, fucked it up, and then decided to fuck them too
Kevin (11:57:31 AM): no
Kevin (11:57:40 AM): i suspected it
Lex (11:57:49 AM): oh i did. maybe i know how a women’s mind works!!
Kevin (11:58:00 AM): but then when I thought about her as an actress, it made sense
Kevin (11:58:15 AM): he ripped that idea off a lot of others
Kevin (11:58:33 AM): like An Officer and a Gentleman
Lex (11:59:05 AM): what about when he was trying to brake hard in the car!! how messed up. he is a sick sick fuck
Kevin (11:59:38 AM): LOL. that was funny
Kevin (11:59:42 AM): OK, who plays the characters in the movie version? You tell me your cast list, then I'll tell you mine
Lex (11:59:52 AM): hmmm....
Lex (12:00:13 PM): lemme think...
Lex (12:01:42 PM): i can’t think of people that young... but if i could go crazy with age... i would say the isla fisher for Alyna
Kevin (12:01:49 PM): I say Vince Vaughn (narrator), Selma Blair (Casey), Scarlet Johansson (Alyna)
Kevin (12:02:02 PM): maybe VV too old
Kevin (12:02:24 PM): Jason Schwartzmann? But then he's too much like his guy in Shopgirl
Kevin (12:02:47 PM): Casey has to be a real good girl, but a nutter
Lex (12:13:15 PM): my cast opinion: Isla Fisher for Alyna, Rachel Bilson for Casey and Casey Affleck for the narrator. Vince Vaughn is great, but WAYYYY to old.
Kevin (12:13:48 PM): i agree
Kevin (12:14:22 PM): Lets cast this now. But remember, everyone has to get totally naked, and there must be full frontal nudity, both male and female
Lex (12:14:37 PM): of course
Lex (12:14:44 PM): i am sticking with my cast
Kevin (12:14:51 PM): I think this was a pretty good book review
Kevin (12:14:58 PM): better than the Times
Kevin (12:15:11 PM): Whom would you recommend this book to?
Lex (12:15:25 PM): lol! yes absolutely
Lex (12:15:39 PM): anyone with a filthy mind
Lex (12:15:49 PM): any girls looking to sneak a peak in a guy’s head
Lex (12:16:01 PM): any guys that need validation
Kevin (12:16:08 PM): I'd say: lonely girls, inmates, perverts, Larry Flynt, Maxim magazine subscribers, high school boys, UCLA alumni
Lex (12:16:33 PM): where do you and i fit in those categories?
Kevin (12:16:33 PM): thank you for recommending this book!
Kevin (12:16:59 PM): i used to read Maxim, I was a teenager
Lex (12:17:29 PM): i have another book for you. the main character sometimes reminded me of an older version of the "the average American male"
Lex (12:17:37 PM): maybe we can talk about it next week
Lex (12:17:57 PM): come by time out tomorrow, i will bring it for u
Kevin (12:18:00 PM): ok
Kevin (12:18:10 PM): Is it Jane Austen?
Lex (12:18:21 PM): lol nooooooooo
Kevin (12:18:27 PM): What if Jane Austen had anal sex scenes? Hot.
Lex (12:18:50 PM): that’s just wrong
Lex (12:19:04 PM): i always thought Romeo and Juliet were missing a filthy sex scene
Lex (12:19:18 PM): talk about a story than needed a little anal action.

Labels: reviews