Sent in By Chris

I planned a party for a friend and former co-worker of mine. His best man couldn't do the job because he was coming over from Ireland. So I organized a private room in an Upper East Side bar, hired the strippers, and called up all the guests.

If I knew what was going to happen later, I should have turned down the chore! Everything that could go wrong, did. We told the bar 20 guys would show up, only 10 did. So at $25 a head, I suddenly had to come up with $250.

The bachelor, his best man, and the bachelor's best friend all showed up roaring drunk. They'd poured themselves out of some East Village dive, and were totally liquored up on Jameson. The strippers were late. We got 2 for $800, and I'd already paid a $200 deposit. So when they got there, they wanted $700 in cash. What? What was the extra hundred for? "Driver's Fee"… that pissed me off but I paid it. Since only nine guys were there, I tried to get $100 out of them for the strippers, but only 3 or 4 had any money. So I had to come up with about $600 of my own! I'm out almost a grand, and I'm getting really pissed off at this…

The bachelor and best man were so drunk, they couldn't stand up. So when it came to the part in the show where the girls strip down the guy and fool around with him, they couldn't function, and I volunteered. What the hell I said, as one sat on my face as her partner used a dildo on her.

While the show is going on, there's a crash. Then another. The bachelor and his best friend are wrestling on the ground; the bachelor has a busted lip. The two idiots are slugging it out, something I didn't know that they did when they got wasted. The manager of the bar walks in. I'm half-naked, the strippers are fucking each other with a double-dong, and these two Paddies are acting they are in the WWF. Ten minutes later, we're all on the sidewalk. We got tossed out like sacks of garbage.

A week later, I went to the big wedding in the Catskills. Nobody dared mention the bachelor party. That was three years ago. I haven't seen the groom since that day.